First I would like to clearly state that I am not a romantic. I enjoy romantic comedies, but in real life, I am not big on dramatic gestures. I am not big on drama of any kind. In other words, this is not a romantic gesture. This is not some sappy love story to make him happy. This is an honest post about why I love him.
When I met my now husband, he was many things to me but the love of my life was not one of them. I thought he was obnoxious. Sometimes even rude. I thought he was too cool. Too closed off and reserved. Plainly put, I did not like him much. Rather, he made me nervous. By the time we met, my heart was already broken and twisted in so many ways, in so many places, that I knew every negative form of love. I knew exactly what it meant to be with the mysterious type. Either the guy was simply boring underneath it all, or something far more sinister. The darkness that was well hidden always proved to be a lack of emotion or empathy. At this time, I didn’t believe in “just a shy guy” or introverts in general. Which is funny, because I tend to lose myself in my own thoughts all the time.
As I got to know him, I found out that in fact he was obnoxious. He was fully aware of his own intellect, and wouldn’t be humbled. I didn’t mind, it made me giggle. I found out that he is not shy but rather has no wish to meet new people. To have his heart broken in new ways. We got to know each other and fell in love. Mushy I know, but it happened.
What followed was not a world wind romance. We had fun, of course, we always do, but there was no drama. We started living together and there were no crazy arguments about who did what, who went where. I loved it. LOVED IT.
My life is full of drama. Some days it’s the greek variety with irony, and tragedy and laughter all intertwined. Some days it’s more like a politically correct play. The purple elephant in plain sight, but described so as to not hurt its feelings. Those are good days. Those are slow days. The days that make me want to run away anywhere are the full blown, foreign language, Spanish soap opera variety. These are the days when I’m not sure who went where with whom, and whose fault it was that they were late because he forgot to call them. They, in turn, are angry with her, because she promised but she slept in and somehow it always comes back to me. ALWAYS. These days I switch my phone off.
So back to my husband. He offered me something no boyfriend ever has before. Peace. There are a few people outside of my family with whom I am happy to be silent with. My mind always racing when I’m in a crowd. It’s probably a form of anxiety. A handful of people makes me comfortable enough to just breath. He is one of them. And once I had that I didn’t need anything else. I was happy. But he had other plans. He gave me more.
When our son was born it is needless to say that we learned to love each other more and on a new level. When you look into the eyes of your child, you can’t help but feel that your hubby got you the best present ever. Obviously, this is after the pregnancy. Definitely after the delivery. At those times, your hubby is the villain that ruined your body with this football that is about to come out. After that, after you sleep more than 3 seconds each night. That’s when it hits you. The love of your love gave you eternal love. Whatever happens next, I will forever love my son. Whatever tomorrow brings, I will have love, forever.
At this point, I was very happy. But life, mine anyways, is a soap opera. That beautiful moment was a commercial break. Life continued with my best friend and godmother (long explanation of my culture and traditions…later) marrying my brother in law, while my mother was breaking up with her boyfriend passionately, and my father was getting married privately, and my brother got two dogs, but one dog was too much, so one dog went to live with my mother, and the other almost bit my kid, which is why I am no longer talking to my brother’s girlfriend, though they recently broke up and BREATH. Can you imagine asking me “So, how was your day?” and getting an honest answer. I should probably start with “Grab something to eat and sit down. This will take a while.”
Either way, I am satisfied. I have the calm wind that is my husband, the electric impulse that is my son, the honest anchor that is my mom and drama, drama, drama. I have it all. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I was content. But then the love of my life decided to give me more. He gave me something I lack, always. Self-confidence and pride. I don’t know why, but it’s not a thread in my cloth. And he is slowing weaving it. Between the crazy and loving he is slowing adding this new, bright thread. It can be seen from anywhere, and it looks good. It’s the little things he does. Telling me to work harder, because he knows I’m a good writer, just lazy. Discussing the way our money is handled, because he knows I’m smart, just not the most responsible. Telling people that I know what I’m doing and to back off. He’s not humoring me, he really does believe in me. So now I believe in me. This form of honest respect is building me up. Slowly, step by step, I am able to do things I would otherwise never dare. Show my talent, allow the world to criticize me.
I can only imagine what he has planned for me in the future. Even though life can be tough, I have to remember this. Because this is why I love him. Because of everything he is and will be. Not the interests that come and go, not the things he does on a daily basis. But, the things he has given me and continues to give. Love. Respect. Joy. These are the thing every little girl should want from her prince. And when you do ladies, don’t complain about the big romantic gestures that he doesn’t have a knack for. Remember that night he tucked you in, or when he defended you in front of his friends. Remember when he argued with you because he values your opinion. Life is not a movie, it is so much more.